The Bachelor Party

"Guys, I said no strippers," Jeff laughed as his friends tied him to the table. "If Mary found out she'd..."
His voice and his laughter trailed off as his best man brought into a room not a stripper, but a can of pink spray paint. As they coated his body with it, he felt his skin thicken into gaudy, pink plastic and his flesh melt away. In no time at all, he had become a love doll tied to the table in the back room of some seedy club.

 

It is a bachelor party, he reasoned, as his drunken friends shoved a funnel into his puckered mouth and began to drag a keg of beer over. This sort of stuff is supposed to happen.
The beer began to flow into the funnel; the room swam around his head as his body swelled with alcohol.
I just hope one of them is sober enough in the morning to remember to change me back.

Shelf life II

This creep couldn't wait to get me home. Nothing I say affects him. When I told him I'm a guy that just made him more excited, and now that he knows if he uses me I'll be trapped this way forever he's racing to get naked. What a dick. If I was still a man I'd tear him a new love hole.

Here he comes. *gulp* Wh-what a dick! I hope my girlfriend gets here soon or I won't be a "beginner" love doll for much longer.

Shelf life

Look, Sir, this is probably breaking the Magician's Code or some bullshit, but I'm only up here because my girlfriend transformed me. It was a joke. She works here and if you'll just wait for her to get back from her dinner break-

Yes, I know I've got a price tag, but that doesn't mean I'm for sale! Wouldn't you rather have the JennaBustin model? Please.

What do you mean you like my audio feature?! That's not a feature! Put me down!